Zoe's Legion Of Lovers.

A text comes through from Lips of a crying emoticon face with a gun held to its head and the words 'Oy Vey.'

He's been called up for Jury Duty and has been sat downtown at the courtrooms for about three hours now waiting to be interviewed.

'Just tell them you're an Atheist gay jew producer and you think the case would make a great movie. Surely they'll ask you to leave.'

'Maybe. Wish me luck.'

He meets us at a bar a couple of hours later.

'I'm there all day and they only interviewed three people! I have to go back tomorrow. It's a cluster fuck. What the hell are you drinking?'

'A Margarita.'

'This place only has a wine and beer license.'

He turns to the barman.

'What's in this instead of tequila?'

'It's rice wine, sir. It's delicious.'

'Oh no no no.'

'It tastes nice, Lips.'

'Thea, there is no tequila in the drink!'

'Rice wine is rather nice...'

'Oh my God! Get me a beer. Where are we going to after here? For a real drink?'

'How did the meeting go, Stephen?'

'I choked.'
'Okaaaaay, let's start drinking people.'

We're spending the evening with an old friend of Lips's called Zoe. She's from the UK but has been out here 19 years working as a Producer.
We head back to the house to meet her and walk in to find that the labradoodles have staged a dirty protest (no not that kind), they've removed the soil from every plant in the house and distributed it across the slate floors.

'Bradley Cooper! Anderson Cooper! Come here right now. You have been very bad boys.'

The dogs know something is up and hide under a table.

I start giggling. I'd pay good money to tell Bradley Cooper he's been a bad boy. But this is not the time.

There's no point in telling a dog off after the event, they don't know what they've done and so Lips and Stephen merely kiss them whilst quietly telling them that this behaviour will not stand.

As we clean up Zoe arrives.

'What happened here?'

'Maybe we just shouldn't have plants,' Lips says. 'We can use the pots for their ashes.'

Zoe is furnished with some wine and fixes her eye on me. She wants to know who I am, why I'm here, how I know Lips and how long I'm staying. She tells me she's originally from Brighton. I tell her I used to live there and we compare information.

I feel like I've met her before. We fall in to a comedy banter that remains on tap for the entire evening.

We head up to a Japanese restaurant, not to eat, just for a pre dinner cocktail because it's in the hills and has a magnificent view of LA at night. I'm touched by how Lips and Stephen take every opportunity to show me something new or beautiful. The best views, the most iconic places.

We order Pineapple-tinis but Zoe sticks to white wine. She smokes which just makes me like her more. We head out ostensibly to admire the view, but really to just smoke. Lips comes out and takes a picture of us. It looks like we've known each other forever. I tell her I love it here and would happily spend a few months a year in LA if I had work.

'I get the feeling you will be out here again,' she says.

'I couldn't waitress out here, I'd go mad.'

'My company is looking for writers. Would you be interested in that?'

'Yes. I would.'

'You could do it from anywhere and it would give you a reason to come back too.'

Anything can happen. Anything happens all the time.

We go to an Italian for pizza. I try my first white pizza which just has cheese and an egg in the middle. Also a kale and spinach pizza and something with aubergine and rocket. I eat four slices more than I need to.

We all fall in to food comas and head home.

We're having LA themed movie nights whilst I'm here. LA Story and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang are on the list but the first one we watch is a new one: “Nightcrawler” set in the seedy sub culture of night time LA and starring a severely underweight Jake Gyllenhaal. We cosy up and watch on the ridiculously large TV screen. So this is a home cinema. I could get used to it. Gyllenhaal is terrifying and brilliant. It's rare you watch a film where you aren't rooting for the protagonist, just hoping and praying he doesn't kill anyone. I recognise a lot of the places which makes it all the more exciting.

I have my acting lesson tomorrow with Calvin. I don't want to talk about it.

Today Lips is dropping me off downtown to see the Disney building ('It is a beautiful thing') and the Museum of Modern Art whilst he sits in the courtrooms going quietly insane. I woke up to find he'd printed me off a little map and highlighted all the places worth seeing. Love him.

I don't know what we're doing tonight. I don't much care. I'm happy.

Disclaimer: Zoe was curious to know if she'd be mentioned in the blog. And if so how personal that information would be. Hence the title. I'm just fucking with her.